Lessons for future me : Part 1 - 31st Aug 2022learnings
This is a time of change, and this trip was the period of rest between what my life was, and what it will become soon. I needed it. A break. A space between me and everything that I thought mattered. It gave me the time and environment to learn a lot more about myself and what I want to do in my life from now on until whenever my time comes. This is a list of the things that I realised in this holiday. It is probably not an exhaustive list, but it is something to look back on in the future and see how much this changed my life.
- Time. Time is the biggest helper. But it doesn’t exist. And we give it the power to. The more we are attached to the clock, the lesser we give ourselves permission to actually enjoy life.
- Our whole lives, we had been used to a very confusing relationship with money. We either thought that we had enough, when dad bought something expensive, or were led to think that we didn’t and wanting things was very wrong, when mom would remind us that wanting too many things was a bad and almost evil thing. When I realised that we had enough. We really did. But what parents wanted me to realise is that, we should forever be grateful for what we have. Nothing else. There is enough for me. And for everyone else around. If I have the ability to use a bit of what I have to make life slightly better for someone else, then I should do my best to enable them. If it is the right moment.
- Creativity is stumped by so many things. But mostly by the belief in not having it. Every time I sat down to paint, I should be grateful, and feel something first. A good emotion. A strong feeling. Without which, creation is not possible. It is the first step to manifestation. The same way I manifested winning an impossible choice in the Cover draw, or the way I manifested good weather and a beautiful trip. Or parents not coming there so I could have more time to heal. It is the first step
- In effect, many things stop us from doing things. One of them, and probably the greatest of them all, is fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of failure, fear of being rejected, an outcast. Probably also aggravated by ADHD. We have been different our whole lives, and have been shamelessly mocked for it. It made me resent everything and stopped me from starting things just for that fear.
- In the age of content and the internet, it is hard to say that you are the first person to come up with something. Me being me, that stops me from starting. Which is a waste of time. Once there is power, and an emotion, work must be done. Creation must come into being. There will be many obstacles to this. But creation cannot be stopped, one way or the other, through one person or the other, it will come into being. Remember the war of art?
- Relationships are made by understanding and effort. Over time, we lose track of who we were and who we fell in love with in the first place. Life shows us so many things, we take it for granted, and keep asking for things that do not exist. In essence, we take what was beautiful, and mar it. Over the past few months, neither me nor her have been okay. And instead of offering support, we ended up fighting not only life, but ourselves and our demons too. All empathy was lost. So was the understanding that neither of us wanted the other to solve our problems, or babysit each other. We have our own lives and ways of dealing with things.
- In the headlong rush to get over what has dragged me down all these years, I sometimes forget what the past has led to. Everything happens for a reason. This period has let me realise that, at the end of the day, people matter. So much. And so do I. But in the attempt to make a space of rmyself, I must realise that not everyone is in the same space as me. Maybe they will get there, maybe this is not their road. We can only be there on the way.
- Maybe my destiny is just this. To live. To guide when I am called. To provide for when it is needed. To make others realise how to make their lives flow forward. To create. To spread my light. Everything else is.. secondary. That’s all that I am truly good at isn’t it? Spreading my light. Telling people that they are enough, that they matter. That life is going to turn out okay. I am a guide. And I have been called for so many times. Along the way, I stopped listening. A guide doesn’t have to take the person all the way does he? His only objective is to show the way. Point to what would be a good place to go.
- So much changes with time, but I remain. So much happens around me, but I alone am unchanging. Forever present. Eternal. One thought for a thousand years.
- Parents did their best for me. Maybe they got lost too. They were children once too. I think there is no real adult here. Just kids. Very lost kids, with voices that so few people hear anymore. Nobody showed them how to live. And they made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. So will I. There remains no time to blame anyone. Just accept, take what serves me, give back what doesn’t.
- Games and shared experiences bind us together. We forgot how to be together. A simple game of Uno brings so many people joy. No matter how old or young they are. Baking cookies, brings a smile on everyones face.
- Being part of an experience with people around you, bring satisfaction. Be it baking, or painting, or just walking. But the real question is, how much of their attention is directed towards what you are doing together.
- Long journeys are frustrating, only because we think of how long it will take. We keep looking at the time. But the miracle of it all, is just.. breathtaking sometimes. A few “hours” and everything you know and love changes. New people, new places, new experiences. The only cost is some unrest. And even that fades in time. This journey will take 18 “hours”. But its a journey between two eras in my life. In the moment, it really is not too bad is it?
- There are an infinite streams of energy around us, all the time. Maybe you can call it the Dao. They are us. We are them. Streams do not flow backwards. They keep moving forward. Regardless. That’s how life goes too. We move from places of stagnation and rot, to life and change.
- We have an intimate relationship with food. Whatever it may be, being involved in the process of making something nourishing is something I greatly enjoy. I would like to spend many hours in my life, creating and enjoying these creations.
- Art. Art came out of nowhere and took over everything. Or so I thought. It was always there. Everywhere. Doodles. Those fake tattoos from School that mom would have me wipe off everyday, all those scribbled doodles across my notebooks, the random urges to create, make something, draw and colour. It was something I did not fully understand until recently. Now I just need to speak the language. I am learning it, it will take time. But I will let it flow and see where it takes me. It’s a journey after all.
- Travelling is something I very much want to do. In time. And whenever I can. The experiences and the ideas that flow through, are unmatched.
- The idea of impermanence is something that I want to focus on. Every time I feel sad about not being too close to someone. Or anything. I know that its not going to last. Nothing does. Its a cycle of lows and highs. Or whatever we choose to perceive. My time here is not permanent. Neither are my grudges, or discomfort with people.
- Everyone, deep down, wants similar things. Even people who appear cold and uncaring, turn out to be the most broken and confused souls. They too just want a warm hug and someone to tell them that it will be okay. Especially when they are drunk.
- People regret saving up a lot and never spending it when they have the time to. Mainly because they are dead.
- Resistance is the biggest killer of anything. The more you resist something, the more it might be an indicator of what you truly want to do.
- With old age and too much power, comes a sense of ego. A sense of “I am the best”.
- Journalling is life changing. Especially micro journaling
- Don’t forget to backup!
- Sometimes you need to negotiate. People are not always extremely nice, or honest.
- Plain text files rule. Ease of use, simplicity, universal support, easy to backup. What else can one want? Pictures? Oops, use markdown.
- Having a knowledge base of information is amazing. And probably the best first step to truly.. doing research. Your own personal interconnected search. How truly beautiful. A whole second brain.
- Doing something everyday, no matter how tiny, leads to massive changes over time.
- Sometimes all you need to do to start writing is to set a timer of 10 minutes on an app that erases your work if you stop.
- Minimalism is not always the answer. Neither is it always a good question.
- Resentment builds up over a long time, from sacrificing things that you need not have, for reasons that were not clear at the time.
- Emotions, pure emotions, are a good indicator of if your choices are right.
- Destiny.. oh sweet destiny, how intricate your works are.
- Friends.. sometimes do not seem to really exist. But they have their own lives. That does not mean they do not want you in theirs.
- Moving abroad is.. hard. Extremely hard. Especially because you’re in a place where almost everyone has a community already. And you barging in is almost never going to work. It will take a very long time. Better get used to looking at yourself in the mirror.
- When people tell you, hey, you could look a lot more professional and smart if you gave a shit. Please give a shit. Please. At least try.
- If you do not meditate for a very long time, prepare for the consequences.
- Instead of just stretching, some yoga will go a very long way.
- Trust the process.
- Pour your time into things. In the majority of cases, that is what is lacking. Both with art and with life.
- Not eating meat is probably a good idea. That doesn’t mean cutting it out, it means not treating it like the most important part of the meal. This comes from your Bengali upbringing and you can feel free to get over it.
- So many things in your past have been tainted, no the better word is influenced, by your ADHD. From time blindness, to forever forgetting things, to taking time to process things, to auditory overload. People dont understand it yet, its okay though. Its not their fault. Neither is it yours.
- We should be grateful to YouTube for everything it has taught us so far. Who knows what will come later. But they did give us a good base.
- Focus on giving time to research. You never really have. Maybe because of your ADHD, or maybe because of your fear of failure. Things take time. Give it the time it deserves.
- The things that you are the most afraid of, thinking that it would take the longest, will actually get over pretty fast. Just try it okay?
- Your inner child needs a lot more love than you think. But remember that like all children, and like anything else, too much of anything leads to ruin. Heal the parts that need it, let the others go.
- Most emotions are temporary. Watching them go by is probably the best course of action before doing anything about it.
- Try to remember names. People really like it
- Dale Carnige was a goddamn genius.
- The Pareto principle applies every single place
- Use your calendar a little more. It really helps out.